Fears and passion

Each day is different, each day requires different needs and fears to address.

My biggest fear in the entire world is loneliness; I am an extremely extroverted individual and functioning without people would be dreadful for my well-being. Recently an new fear has emerged. Last night I was haunted with dreams about not being able to speak.  I was a mutt individual in a crowd of individuals that I desperately  wanted to talk to. Of course, I am a very chattery individual, wanting to get to know people and open my heart to all the experiences I’ve been through. Granted, something I can learn is to be a little more reserved and cherish others that value quality conversation. But, this dream seems to be illustrating my underlying fear of communication. I am going into a country that the national language is a completely different alphabet and the pronunciation is challenging for me to wrap my mind around. 

Since college I have been trying to face my fears and slowly accomplish them so they are no longer fears. These two fears will be ever so present with my service with the Peace Corps and I can’t wait to see how I handle them. 

Along with fears I have been channeling my stress-relievers. I love the outdoors. It is where I can feel small and take the time to appreciate the little beauties everywhere. I have been strategically packing for the Peace Corps to include my tent, water filter, light-weight stove, backpacking pack, sleeping bag, and sleeping pad. These desires are not on anyone’s packing list, but they are a must in my world. 

After successful packing these items, I have spent hours looking at different trails and different mountain ranges I can go backpacking, hiking, and camping in. It thrills me and also calms me because my two fears can still be present, but I can still enjoy the outdoors without successful communication and friends.

I know I will tackle these fears, but having an outlet is a way to calm me before I dive head first into this adventure.



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